I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
