u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
