Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
