Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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