just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
