if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
