i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
