Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
