I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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