drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
