people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
