During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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