I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
