It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
