she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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