I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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