____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
accomplished twins. life is a go
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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