My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
