My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
