Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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