he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have feelings that need drinking.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
