And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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