dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
