is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
