That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
