I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
