He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
