He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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