she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
