I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
People in love make me want to vomit
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
