I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
