how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
