I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
