my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
