How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
