If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
