don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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