i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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