I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
