hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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