hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
