So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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