just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
