Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
