he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
