can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
