And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
