i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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