Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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