1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
